


Ash Down My Throat

by xxxbookaholic



Category: A3! (Anime), A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety, Bad Eating Habits, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gen, High School, Panic Attacks, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:47:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28540542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxxbookaholic/pseuds/xxxbookaholic
Summary: Taichi's stomach was churning and yet all he could do was stare down at his tray and wonder how he possibly got so pathetic. It's just food, he reminded himself, but the eyes burning holes into his neck disagreed.
Relationships: Nanao Taichi & Sumeragi Tenma, Nanao Taichi/Rurikawa Yuki (implied)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 29





	Ash Down My Throat

**Author's Note:**

> [ t/w for panic attacks, bad eating habits, and the mention of being strangled ]

Somebody was wrapping a rope around his neck and pulling. Hard. He couldn’t breathe, and _god did it burn._ Air caught in the back of his throat whenever he tried to breathe. Everything was so close and yet so far away. The tray in front of him was taunting him, laughing at his shaky hands and bouncing knee.

_Just eat,_ the sane part of his brain chided. Taichi hovered a hand over a batch of fries but didn’t dare to grab one. His head pounded like someone had just thrown a soccer ball directly on his head and his cheeks burned, embarrassment setting in. He insisted he was mature and could handle things on his own but then did stuff like this. How pathetic could a guy be?

Eyes scorched holes into the back of his neck but when he tilted his head to look, nobody was there. Oh, right. His table was pressed up against a wall.

School cafeterias didn’t usually feel like this. He was used to sitting down with a crowd of people, listening to conversations, and nibbling on a burger. What he wasn’t used to was staring at a full plate and being unable to even touch it.

Unlike most days, he didn’t know the people surrounding him. They were all strangers, completely unbeknownst to him. Vaguely he could remember a few of the girls that were in his classes, but even with them, they had never even waved at each other before.

_Why do I have to be so useless?_ He asked himself, forcing his gaze not to wander. _It’s just food. I do this all the time. I can do it again._

He wasn’t in control of his hand. It jolted without his permission and halted when he wanted it to move. Nothing felt right anymore. People were too loud, chip bags popped more violently than usual. Maybe he was dreaming. Silently, Taichi imagined a scenario where his head would pop up from his pillow, sweat coating his forehead, and he’d finally be safe.

That illusion was broken when a water bottle slammed down on a seat from across the room. The sound broke his concentration and made him flinch, eyes squinting. He wasn’t crying but it felt like he would. It was only a matter of time, with the way his eyes burned.

The teacher that had interrogated him a few minutes earlier eyed him from the stage. As if to prove a point to her, Taichi picked up a cucumber and shoved it in his mouth. He had to physically force himself not to grimace at the taste. It felt more like he was swallowing ash.

She didn’t seem entirely convinced but looked away anyways. Taichi would have sighed in relief if he wasn’t irritatingly aware of how much attention that would draw from the people beside him.

Suddenly, his train of thought was interrupted by a hand tugging at his sleeve. He whipped his head around to see a boy with a familiar head of orange hair across from him, scanning their schoolmates and wrinkling his nose in distaste. “Can I sit here?” He asked, pointing at an empty spot next to Taichi.

It was only when he opened his mouth to speak that Taichi realized just how dry his tongue was. _Somebody would think I haven’t talked in weeks._ Trying his best to ignore the way his lips cracked, he smiled, “sure!” The tone sounded broken to even him but Tenma seemingly didn’t notice. Blissfully unaware of the situation, he simply sat himself down on a chair and continued talking.

“This place is disgusting. I’m regretting turning down that movie offer,” he commented, picking up a strawberry and popping it into his mouth. He made it look so easy; Taichi tried to copy him with a fry but ended up nearly choking on it instead. That was what finally grabbed Tenma’s attention. “What’s the problem?”

“Wha- “ Taichi cut himself off, struggling to swallow his food, “ -What do you mean?”

“You’re acting weird,” Tenma explained, resting his arm on the table. “Did something happen?”

_So it’s obvious._ He shrunk in shame at the thought. “Nothing happened. It’s just really loud.”

Tenma’s expression softened for just a second before he straightened up once again, turning to his food. “Yeah. It is.”

They fell into an awkward silence after that. Taichi kicked his legs under the table, thinking up all of the ways he could excuse himself. _Maybe I can tell him my head hurts? Or I could say I need to take a call._ Before he could raise his hand and ask to go to the bathroom, Tenma spoke again.

“You know,” he started, choosing his words carefully, “Kumon does this, too.”

Taichi laughed. “Does what?”

“Gets absorbed in his thoughts,” Tenma revised, not tearing his gaze away from the school-made sandwich. “Do you want me to get you some water? Or juice?”

He held up his own carton of milk as a response. “I’ve got a drink. Really, it’s nothing.”

Tenma eyed him for a second, frowning, but didn’t stay on the subject for long. After a few seconds, he moved on with the topic, laying his head to rest on the table. “Yuki’s been even more insufferable than usual lately. If you don’t take him out soon, I will. With a limousine.”

For the first time since sitting down, Taichi allowed himself to genuinely giggle. He brought a hand up to his mouth in a failed effort to conceal his teeth. “I’ll be sure to invite him out. I found a new café that he might want to try out. Plus it’s right next door to a fabric shop!”

Tenma looked rather pleased with the response. The small smile gracing his face proved it. “He’ll love that a little too much.”

“That’s exactly what I’m going for,” Taichi nodded in agreement. The stress began to melt away the deeper he went into the conversation. “A happy Yuki is a happy Mankai Company.”

“You’re right. Unfortunately.”

“Oh, hey, did you hear about the news? Ultra Yo-yos are making a comeback! Apparently new colors are coming out this fall.”

“What’s an Ultra Yo-Yo?” Tenma asked, sitting up.

Taichi’s jaw dropped. “You seriously haven’t heard about them? They’re only the coolest yo-yos ever!” From then on, he continued to explain every trick that he’d learned to do with Ultra Yo-yos. He hadn’t spent a whole year practicing with them for nothing after all.

Only when the bell rang and he was making his way back to class, binder and backpack in tow, did he realize that the eyes on his back weren’t scorching his skin anymore. In fact, they seemed to be gone completely, at least for a little bit.

When he breathed out a sigh, there was no doubt in his mind that not a soul was judging.

The emptiness in his stomach and sweat on his arms, however, remained the same.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed my fic despite how short it is! I've been really stressed lately so that was a major reason for writing this. Taichi's anxiety is based off of my own and how I felt back when I was in public school. Tenma's appearance in the fic is inspired by how my best friend constantly anchored me and grounded me when I spiraled just by being there.   
> Please leave a comment if you can! (and kudos, of course.) It really encourages me! My tumblr is xxxbookaholic if you're interested. I normally post A3! and DRV3 content.  
> Have a nice rest of your day/night and make sure to eat today!!!


End file.
